As salamu Alaykum In the west, When a couple is getting divorced, both hire their own attorney. the non Muslim judge usually orders the man to pay legal fees for his own attorney and his soon to be ex-wife’s attorney. Is it islamically valid or is it haram for wife to force her husband to do this?

These matters should always be taken to authority and not me or those like me. Therefore, if you have an Islamic center that has a type of authority in your country, you should go to them, as they can best advise you. Alternatively, if there is a Muslim judge or court in your country, you can seek them out and even if you sought one of the official Muftis abroad, you can also ask them and they might share some advice.