1. I have this feeling of dispair do you have advice 2. I again havent been diagnosed with ocd yet but i really feel like a bad person with my thoughts and sometimes i think i commit shirk by reliying on other then Allah as a small behavior and inward feeling 3.. How do we find peace in qadr

Ustadh AbdulAziz al-Haqqan

You are not held accountable for mere waswas thoughts. Do not dig into it, and see a specialist about it, in shā' Allah.