I want to become a student of knowledge, and I want to seek ilm on this academy, but my wiswaas of apostasy keeps me back because I become scared what if all my deeds get nullified because of kufr I did? So it delays my talib ilm abd makes me fall into sin. Is this just doubt from shaytan I ignorev

Ustadh AbdulAziz al-Haqqan

This is waswas, so ignore it and do not let it hold you back from seeking knowledge. Also, seek out medical help for this problem may Allah protect us and you, ameen.