‏أحسن الله إليك Ya ustadth I completely acknowledge that’s husband and wife should speak softly with one another, be merciful to eachother, and both not yell at eachother. But is it worse for the wife to be sharp/raise voice at husband? Or other way round? Which one is worse? Or is it equal?

Both are blameworthy, and she is commanded to obey him, therefore yes it is more severe for her to do so because he is the one in charge of her and responsible for her. A husband raising his voice at his wife goes against the command to live with her in kindness, and good companionship is owed by both.